I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges.

Bears in Bars

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm not on drugs."

The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
********************************
Pedophile:


A man comes home and finds his girlfriend packing. "Where are you going?" he asks.

"I'm leaving you," she answers.

"Leaving me? Why?"

"She continues packing and says, "Because I found out today that you're a pedophile!"

"A pedophile? A pedophile?" he shouts. "That's a pretty big word for a ten year old!"
********************************
Count The F's



Count the "F's" in the following text:



FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE
EXPERIENCE OF YEARS





Scroll down only after you have counted them!

























HOW MANY:

3: Wrong, there are 6!

The brain cannot process "OF" Incredible or what?

Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius. Three is normal, four is quite rare.
*******************************
Keep Smiling !
Doug


 

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence?

A touching elephant story:


While on holiday in Kenya and walking through the bush a man comes across an elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seems distressed so the man approaches very carefully. He gets down on one knee and inspects the bottom of the elephant's foot only to find a large thorn deeply embedded. As carefully and as gently as he can he removes the thorn and the elephant gingerly puts its foot down. The elephant turns to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stares at him. For a good ten minutes the man stands frozen - thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant turns and walks away.

For years after, the man often remembers and ponders the events of that day. Years later the man is walking through the zoo with his son. As they approach the elephant enclosure, one of the elephants turns and walks over to where they are standing at the rail. It stares at him and the man can't help wondering if this is the same elephant. The man climbs tentatively over the railing and makes his way into the enclosure. He walks right up to the elephant and stares back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant wraps its trunk around one of the man's legs and swings him wildly back and forth along the railing, instantly killing him.

Probably not the same elephant then.
*****************************
The Split-up

...She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.
...Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up.
...And I asked how come I had to give up stuff and not her.
...She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me.
...I told her that was what the beer was for.


I don't think she's coming back...
*********************************
New US stamp:


The United States Postal Service has created a stamp with a picture of President George W. Bush to honor his first term achievements.

Unfortunately, the stamp has not been sticking to the envelopes. This has enraged the President, who has demanded a full investigation into the matter. After a month of testing, a special Presidential Commission has made the following findings:


1. The stamp is in perfect order.
2. There is nothing wrong with the applied adhesive.
3. People are just spitting on the wrong side.