I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

The Bear, Rabbit, Magic Frog:


Once upon a time there was a frog who lived in a lake all by himself. He had been given special powers by a local witch. One day he finally ventured out of the lake to get his first glimpse of the world outside.
The first thing he saw was a bear chasing a rabbit and so he called out
to them and asked them to stop.

Then he said to them: "I am a magical frog and since you are the first
two animals I have ever seen, I am going to grant you both three wishes. You will each take turns using them and you have to use them now."

The bear (being greedy) went first. I would like for every bear in this
forest to be female except for me." A magical sound and it was done.
Then the rabbit. "I would like a helmet." This confused both the frog and the bear, but after a magical sound there was a helmet.
It was the bear's turn again. "I would like for every bear in the
neighboring forest to be female." A magical sound and it was done. The rabbit went again. "I would like a motorcycle."

Both the frog and the bear wondered why the rabbit didn't just ask for a lot of money with which he could buy himself a motorcycle, but after a magical sound there was a motorcycle. The bear took his last wish. "I
would like for all the bears in the world to be female except for me." A magical sound and it was done.

The rabbit then put on his helmet, started up the motorcycle, and said
"I wish the bear was gay" and took off like a bat out of hell.
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Joke: Public Works:


A blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job
with Public Works. She was to paint lines down the center of
a rural road.

The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that
she must stay at or above the set average of two miles per
day to remain employed. The blonde agreed to the conditions
and started right away.

The supervisor checking up at the end of the day, found that
the blonde had completed four miles on her first day, double
the average! "Great," he told her, "I think you're really
going to work out."

The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the
blonde only accomplished two miles. The supervisor thought,
"Well she's still at the average and I don't want to
discourage her, so I'll just keep quiet." The third day
however the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought,
"I need to talk to her before this gets any worse."

The boss pulled the new employee in and said, "You were doing
so great. The first day you did four miles, the second day
two miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there
a problem? An injury, equipment failure? What's keeping you
from meeting the two-mile minimum?"

The blonde replied "Well, each day I keep getting farther
and farther away from the bucket."
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KEEP SMILING !
-Doug-