Is There A doctor in the house?

Joke

One day three women went camping -- a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business. While she was gone, the brunette and the
redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, “I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in.”

*************************************************************
At Home

Thank you all for the comments. As you most know, my sister,Karen, has been in the hospital. She's doing well and should return home on the morrow. Also, my doctor has set a date for my bone implant, Tuesday Feb 8th. Yea !! I'm just about sick of this stupid piece of meat hanging on my hand..... wait, that sounds somewhat dirty,huh? I said 'on' not 'in'. ( if you don't know.... it's a graft for a thumb re-construction.) ;) Anyhow, he thinks the bone implant might work but not to worry, he has a 'plan b' just in case. Hmmmmm.... 'plan b' sucks and I won't go into the details ...... lets just say it's some freaky stuff. So, keep your fingers crossed for me and 'plan a'. :)
Today, Bobbie and I went to the mall to kill a few hours. While we were there I was looking at some clothing through a store window. Yep, I banged my head hard against the glass. I thought it was going to shatter. Bobbie was laughing her arse off and I knew without looking that the people inside were doing the same, Bobbie confirmed this. I kept my head down and just slid away. I could almost see it on the evening news. 'Man decapitated at mall by falling plate glass window', details at 11:00. Man, I gotta get some new eye glasses.
This week has been eventful.. Karen,me, Tiff has 'pinkeye' and Fed has the flu.... is there a doctor in the house? ;)
**************************************************************

Anecdote:

Sedgwick, John (1813-64), US general

During the battle of the Wilderness in the Civil War, the general was inspecting his troops. At one point he came to a parapet over which he gazed out in the direction of the enemy. His officers suggested that this was unwise and perhaps he ought to duck while passing the parapet. " Nonsense," snapped the general. " They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-'.

( The reference books say that General Sedgwick was killed in action at the battle of the Wilderness. )
*************************************************************
Fini

Well, it's late and I've gotta get to bed. I hope ya'll like this one.

Till next time
KEEP SMILING !
Doug

A New Start

Joke

Top 10 signs your Amish teen is in trouble ;

10. Sometimes stays in bed until after 5am.
9. In his sock drawer,you find pictures of women without bonnets.
8. Shows up at barn rasings in full "Kiss" make-up.
7. When you criticize him, he yells " Thou Sucketh".
6. His name is 'Jebediah' but goes by "Jeb Daddy".
5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap".
4. You come upon his secret stash of colored socks.
3. Uses slang expression "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening".
2. Was recently pulled over for driving under the influence of cottage cheese.
1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.
*********************************************************************************
At Home;

I've seen my posts have gotten far too long,mostly because of my cut and paste news stories.... so, I won't be doing those anymore.... unless I find something that's just too funny. Also, I have decided to delete them and start over.
I'm not even sure if anyone is reading these. I've told my daughter and 'daughters of my heart', along with a few family and friends but so far have only gotten one comment.... so, I'm thinking of stopping all together and deleting the whole thing.... if any of ya'll do read this, let me know,'k? If no one else is reading these, I'm wasting too much time.
On a sad note, a friend of mine lost his daughter this week. My thoughts and prayers are with the Sloan family during their time of grief. It just goes to show that someone you love can be taken in a blink of an eye. Tiffany, Federica and Nacha... I just want to take a second to say " I love you". ... and ya'll keep yourselves safe.
Okay, on to better things... or at least a little better. :) Tomorrow, I see the doctor again. I hope this time he'll set a surgery date for my bone implant. I'm getting impatient with this thumb re-construction. GRRRRRR ! I think he'll actually set it this time, he can't make me wait forever,can he?
I want to try something new... I will attempt to share some things I hear around ACIPCO.... cause some of the guys out there are just plain crazy. I'll just post one or two things at a time, to save space.... and no one besides me might find these things funny. I'll call these things acipcoisms.... but I'll change peoples names to protect the innocent. ;)
**********************************************************************

Anecdote:

Coolidge, Calvin (1872-1933) 30th president of the United States:

President Coolidge had a group of guests on the presidential yacht cruising the Potomac. As he stood alone at the rail, looking out at the expanse of water, someone exclaimed, " Look at that slight and slender figure! Look at that head, bowed over the rail ! What thoughts are in the mind of this man, burdened by the problems of the nation? ".

" Finally, Coolidge turned around, and joined the others, saying, 'See that sea gull over there? Been watching it for twenty minutes. Hasn't moved. I think he's dead!' "
***********************************************************************
Fini

Well, I hope you enjoyed this. Comments and e-mails are welcome. .... I know my sense of humor is a bit 'off the wall' but do let me know what you think.... just don't be too brutal. :)

Until next time...
KEEP SMILING !!
Doug