Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Thinkers Anonymous

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true.

Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

 I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, " I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..." "I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting.

At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's."

Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
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Keep Smiling
-Doug-
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If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
- Jack Handy Deep Thoughts

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

The Perfect Husband:

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone  on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather  coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure,  go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also  stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one  I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$60,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the  options."
WOMAN:  "Great! Oh, and one more thing ? The house we  wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I  love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up.

The other men in the locker room are looking at him in  astonishment.
Then the man smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
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At Home:

Well, the holiday weekend was a blast. I took off Friday and headed to the lake Thursday as soon as I got off work. B and Tracy came up Saturday. We stayed until Monday morning. I got in a good bit of fishing, sun, fun, family, friends and food. All in all, I managed to stay 4-5 days with no real injuries, so, I guess you could say it was a sucess. ;)
I enjoyed it so much, I think I'll take some more vacation days very soon !!!!

Tracy has started talking much more now. ..... at least around us. I think she may still be shy around others but I expect that to change soon. She seems to enjoy school here. .... and Bobbie has gotten her addicted to peanutbutter already.

Today was Karen's b'day. ... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAREN !!!! ( Should I say how old you are? )

I'm still getting used to being back in the old mold shop at work. It sucks hammers! . ... but what's a guy to do? Gotta work, right? At least the boss pretty much leaves me alone.

Okay, time to get to bed. ... just felt it was time to post something. Until next time. .....

KEEP SMILING!
-Doug-
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If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.
- Jack Handy  Deep Thoughts