You Can Pick Your Friends,You Can Pick Your Nose....but you can't pick your friend's nose.

Redneck 911

A couple of redneck hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other redneck starts to panic, then whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

He frantically blurts out to the operator, "O my gawd! Help! My friend just died. He's Dead! What can I do?"

The operator, trying to calm him says, "Take it easy. I can help. Just listen to me and follow my instructions. First, lets make sure he's dead."

There's a short pause, and then the operator hears a loud gun shot. The redneck comes back on the line and says, "OK, now what?"
************************************
At Home:

It's been a good week here ;
Mom stayed with us for a few days. She's doing well.
Tiffany came by for a visit. Which always makes me happy. :)
(don't look.... she's still not writting her blog anymore)
We spoke to Federica on the phone, it was great to hear her voice!
Nachayada e-mailed us some recent family photos. She looked very happy. We miss her so much!
Paul picked me up some lottery tickets..... Thanks Paul !
I spent the night at the lake last night, did a little work there today.....very little. :)
Bobbie is taking a half day off tomorrow. We hope to go back to the lake, maybe get in a boat ride.
I got a 22 percent 'bonus' at work. Whoo Hoo! Pretty good for someone who hasn't worked in a couple months. ;)
The 'thumb' is still coming along, slowly but surely.
Let's see...hmmmm... I guess that's about it.
************************************
Anecdote:

Morley, Christopher (1890-1957), U.S. writer and editor.

Christopher Morley and William Rose Benet were gazing at the window of a wig shop in which were displayed two small identical wigs on their stands. " They're alike as toupees in a pod, " observed Morley.
************************************
Fini

I hope all ya'll had a good week too. Don't forget.... Sunday is Easter. Dye your eggs and go to church! :)
Until next time.......
KEEP SMILING!
-Doug-

Whenever I Start Feeling Blue....... I start breathing again.

Thoughts to ponder....

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

If a 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Why does someone go to all the trouble to put those tiny little holes on pages of postage stamps when the pages always tear anywhere but there?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a "ship"ment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called "car"go?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why do you read dumb jokes like these when they only make you groan like that, as if in pain?
*****************************************
At Home

Bobbie and I had a good time for our anniversary. We decided to go to Mississippi. We stayed at the Golden Moon Casino. The casino gave us the room for free. We didn't 'win' anything but we didn't lose either, as a matter of fact, we came home with exactly the same amount as we took with us....Thanks to Bobbie. ( She hid away enough winnings so we'd break even. ) We could have brought home a small profit but, you know me, I couldn't stand the idea of that! ;)

I saw the doc yesterday. The thumb is doing as well as possible. He gave me another 2 weeks off work. It'll probably be the last time off I get out of this,so, I'd better try to enjoy it.

Bobbie is doing well. Ya'll check out her blog with the link on this page...."My Better Half" and leave her some comments. Don't bother checking Tiff's blog, she's not writting anymore. ( ??????? ) I don't know why she's lost interest.... I'll ask if I ever actually 'talk' to her. (Hint!) ;)

The State has finally lifted the ban on eating crappie from Lake Logan Martin. Yea ! I hope bass will be next. I usually catch and release anyhow, but it's great to see the lake has become safer and cleaner.
*******************************************
Anecdote

Hamsun, Knut (1859-1952) Norwegian author.

During the winter of 1894-95 Hamsun visited Paris for the first time. On his return home someone asked him, " At the beginning, didn't you have trouble with your French? "
" No, " replied Hamsun, " but the French did. " :)
********************************************
Fini

Well, that's about all the 'news' around here. I hope all ya'll had a great week ! Until next time........
KEEP SMILING !
-Doug-

Fifteen Years of Bliss.... mostly. :)

Dark In Here

A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750."
Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy - "$1,000."
Father - "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that; that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that crap again."
***********************************************
At Home:

My last post was about skipping out of work around here and 'enjoying' the beautiful day at the lake instead. Well.... we did go to the lake....... and it was a beautiful day! ...and we wound up doing yard work there instead! AUGGGGHH!!!
Plus, I then had to finish the yard work I had 'escaped' at home on Sunday.... double AUGGHHH!!!!
Just goes to show even the best laid plans can go to crap in a minute. I guess I deserved it but at least we did get a lot done. Whew! I need to go back to work, this off time is killing me. ;)

Today, I took Bobbie to lunch at Maji's... one word...EXECELLENT!

For those of you who may read Bobbie's blog A.K.A. 'My Better Half' .... you might take note that she has taken a cheap shot at me concerning our upcoming 15th wedding anniversary.... how hard it's been for her to be married to me. ... me? ..... me? Well, at least I know our anniversary is on Thursday the 10th, not, as she wrote, being this Friday. Anyhow, you can read the 2 comments I left on her site..... and feel free to leave comments of your own. :)

Actually, she does know the date.... she just got her weekdays mixed up. I pointed this out to her and we both thought it was pretty funny. I can't believe how lucky I was to con her into marrying me 15 long years ago. ..... It's even harder to believe she's stuck with me this long! ... most women would have either kicked me out or put a contract on me by now..... so, HAPPY 15Th ANNIVERSARY BOBBIE !! I LOVE YOU !!!!
'
Also, I looked it up.... and the 15th anniversary is the 'crystal' anniversary. Does this mean I can take B to 'Krystal' for dinner? She does like the spicy chicks! :)
*********************************************
Anecdote:

Thorndike, Dame Sybil (1882-1976), British actress.

Sybil Thorndike was married to Sir lewis Casson, himself a distinguished actor, and they frequently toured together, giving dramatic recitals. After his death she was asked about their long and happy marrage. " Did you ever think of divorce? " was one of the questions. " Divorce? " she said. " Never. But murder often ! "
*********************************************
Fini :

I hope the last few days have been good to all of ya'll... and that you have enjoyed reading this. Until next time....
KEEP SMILING!!!!!
-Doug-

It's a Beautiful Day !

Geeeez!
Bobbie picked, poked and prodded until I finally got outta bed...
As I drink my 2nd cup of java, I see it's a warm,sunny day! I'm going to the lake! Yes!!!!!...... B' says "no",and.... "we have 'other' things to do".... well, someone's going to enjoy the day. Let's just see who it is...

OK... I do have a lot of other stuff I 'need' to do. I've started some yard work that's screamin' to be finished. ... and, there's the entry doors we want to replace. Also, I could think of at least a half dozen other things we could be doing... but the lake sounds soooooooooo much better. ;)

Oh!.. I know, my 'thumb' hurts too much to be doing 'work'. Yes!, that's it! My thumb hurts too much to be home working!!!!!,,,,, that's the ticket! B' will believe that and feel sorry for me too. WOO HOO !!!!!

Well, I need to take a quick spin under the shower and call myself clean, then, we're outta here !

C'ya !
Doug