I'd Rather Have a Bottle In Front Of Me Than have A Frontal Lobotomy

Talking Frog



An eighty year old man was out fishing one day when he heard a voice. Knowing no one was around he just thought he was hearing things. Once again he heard psst- psst hey you. The man looked around and saw a frog in the water. The man said, are you talking to me? The frog said yeah, pick me up. So the man picked the frog up. Now kiss me and I will turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. The man proceeded to put the frog in his coat pocket. Pretty soon the man hears the frogs muffled voice again. He reaches into his pocket and retrieves the frog. Hey, didn't you hear me? I said kiss me and I will turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen! No thanks said the man, at my age I would rather have a talking frog.
****************************

At Home:

Is it hot enough for ya'll? GEEEEZZZZ! It was so hot here this last weekend that, I swear, I got condensation on my butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl. ;)

It really was hot. ... B and I decided to stay home instead of going to the lake. We made good use of our time. We did some much needed work around the house and took the time to go see a movie at the IMAX. COOL! It was on country music history . ... if you get a chance to see it, you won't be disappointed.

I'm still on 2nd shift this week. I dread going in today as it's supposed to be 101 degrees but at least I didn't have to get out of bed at 3:45 a.m.

B and I are going to host another student this year. See B's blog for details. (my better half)

Oh! I got a wonderful suprize this last week. Sunshine called me from Italy. It was sooooooo great to hear her voice!

I think I may take off Friday. Hmmmm.... thinking about it anyway, depends on the weather. If it gets below 80 at night, I could try to get in some fishing. We'll see.

I haven't heard from Tiff in quite some time. .... so, if you still read my blogs Tiff, call me.

Okay, I've drank coffee for the last 2 hours and my hair is starting to wiggle like snakes on Madusa's head. ... very short snakes, ,,, and not that many either. .... but still. ... you know what I mean. :)

Time to go do other things.

Until next time. ...

KEEP SMILING!!
-Doug-

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific

Nun Catches Strange Looking Fish



One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge, strange-looking fish. A man was walking by and said, "Wow! What a nice Gauddam Fish!" The sister said, "Sir, you shouldn't use God's name in vain."

The man said, "But that's the species of the fish - a Gauddam Fish." The sister said, "Oh, okay."

The Sister took the fish back home and said, "Mother Superior, look at the Gauddam Fish I caught." Shocked, the Mother Superior said, "Sister, you know better than that."

The nun said, "That's the species of it - a Gauddam Fish." So, the Mother Superior said, "Well, give me the Gauddam Fish and I'll clean it."

While she was cleaning the fish, Monsignor walked in and Mother Superior said, "Monsignor, look at the Gauddam Fish that the sister caught." Nearly fainting, Monsignor said, "Mother Superior, you shouldn't talk like that!"

Mother Superior said, "But that's the species of it - a Gauddam Fish." Monsignor said, "Well give me the Gauddam Fish and I'll cook it."

That evening at supper there was a new priest at the table, and he said, "Wow, what a nice fish." In reply, the sister said, "Thank you, I caught the Gauddam Fish." And Mother Superior said, "I cleaned the Gauddam Fish." And Monsignor said, "I cooked the Gauddam Fish."

The priest looked around in disbelief, quite shocked, and said, "I think I'm going to like this f%$@# ing place!"
***********************************
At Home:

Not a lot going on. I'm happy to say I'm going back to 2nd shift this week, 1:00-9:00 p.m.. Last week I was having to get out of bed before 4:00 a.m. to be on the job at 5:00. ... Now, I do like day-shift usually,but I don't get up that early to go fishing. ;)

B and I decided to skip the lake this weekend. We needed to do tons of work around here. My yard was starting to look like you could film a Tarzen movie here. Still have a lot to do but at least we have a handle on it now.

Other than that, ,,,, nothing. Just sitting around growing old. :)

Until next time. .....
KEEP SMILING!!!
-Doug-

Dennis The Menace

Hurricane Jokes


Q.> Why are hurricanes named after women?
A.> Because they arrive all wet and wild and when they
leave they take your house and your car.



Q.> Why are hurricanes named after men?
A.> Because they're noisy, make a huge mess, and if you
look into their eyes there's nothing there.

Ed.Note: They are however called HURricanes and not HISricanes...

Q: What do a divorce in Arkansas, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane
in Florida have in common?
A: Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer.
************************

At Home:

Well, we had a blast for the 4th. Lots of family and friends came to the lake. We skipped the wennie roast because I was able to buy a fully cooked Boston Butt. We ate on that ALL weekend. :)

Anyhow, we fished and rode in the boat mostly. I enjoyed taking the kids out on the lake and trying to make waves come over the sides of the boat. We came home on Tuesday so we could take Jeanie to the airport. I needed to get back anyway so I could cut the grass. It was starting to look like a jungle out there. I got that job done and returned to the lake Wednesday. My bud, Hee Haw, came up and he and I fished most of the day and part of the night on Thursday. Fun City. I came home mid-day Friday, where it took me until half-way thru Saturday to recover from all the 'fun'. ;)

We are trying to get ready for Hurricane Dennis. It's coming ashore in a few hours as a catagory 4, perhaps even a 5, by the time it hits. Thats pretty powerful. Lots of destruction is expected on the coast. Here in B'ham, we can expect very high winds, heavy rain and maybe even a tornado or two. We gotta batton down the hatches.

I'm supposed to return to work at 5 A.M. tomorrow. YUCK ! I hate getting up so early. There is a chance that ACIPCO could cancel work tomorrow due to this storm. ... but we are talking about ACIPCO, so, I doubt they'll do that.

Our thoughts are with the people in London this week. I hope they catch the sorry SOB's who set off those bombs. It takes a real coward to do something like that.

Okay, I gotta get in the shower now.

Till next time. ...
KEEP SMILING!!!!
-Doug-

You Get A Line, I'll Get A Pole, We'll Go Fishing In The Crawdad Hole, 5 Card Poker On Saturday Night, Church On Sunday-Morning.

 

Doctor Who?

Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it he couldn't.

The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in awhile he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single... Just let it go."

But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality, whispering... "Dave, you're a veterinarian..."
************************************
At Home:

Okay, I only got negative reviews on my last blog. That's okay. ... I was only trying something different. I had just finished reading a 'Dean Koontz' novel. ...and I'm a BIG 'Dean Koontz' fan. His writing ROCKS!!!! Real page turners!. ... So, I might not include such 'dark' poetry in the future. ... even if I'm the only one who enjoys it. :)

I'm on vacation !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll be off work until the 11th of July. YES!!!!!!!!!

Bobbie's family is coming down. .... and some of my family, brothers, their kids and grand-kids, and some friends with their kids/g-kids. ... it's going to be a blast !!!!!

We're going to have a big winnie roast! I've got the big winnies and. .... what?, huh?. ... Jeeeezzzseeee! Get your head out of the gutter!~ I'm talking about foot longs and . ... huh?. ... I Said FOOT longs, not 10 inchers... I'm talking about franks and . ... NO!, NOT Frank's winnie! I don't even know anyone named Frank. Crap! . ... I'm talking about hotdogs. What is wrong with you people? Anyhow?

Well, ya'll are ALL invited. The more the merrier!!! Call us for directions! Bring a pointy stick and get your buns up there. .... get it?.. buns? heh,heh. :)

Boat riding, swimming,fishing, grilling and swilling. ,... This will be sooooo coooool! FUN CITY !!~!!!!! JOIN US !!!!!!!

Thanks Federica, your concerns always let me know I have someone who really loves me. You truly are my "Sunshine". I love you, head to toes! ;)

Till next time. ...
KEEP SMILING!!!!!
-Doug-