Two jokes and An Anecdote

Due to the fact that I'm working 2nd shift and haven't seen or spoke to anyone, I have nothing to put in a "At home" segment today. Instead I'll leave you with 2 jokes and and a anecdote. Enjoy.
KEEP SMILING!
-Doug-
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First, The husband. ...


Father O'Grady was saying his good-byes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears.
"What's bothering you, dear?" asked Farther O'Grady.

"Oh, father, I've got terrible news." Replied Mary. "My husband passed away last night."

"Oh, Mary!" said the good father. "That's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"

"Yes...," Mary replied sheepishly.

"Well?"

"He said, 'Please, Mary, put down the gun.'"
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Then, The Wife


Becky was on her deathbed, with her husband Jake at her side. He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face. Her pale lips moved.

"Jake," she said.

"Hush," he quickly interrupted, "don't talk." But she insisted.

"Jake," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I must
confess."

"There is nothing to confess," said the weeping Jake. "It's all right. Everything's all right."

"No, no. I must die in peace. I must confess, Jake, that I have been unfaithful to you."

Jake stroked her hand. "Now, Becky, don't be concerned. I know all about it", he sobbed. "Why else would I poison you?"
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Anecdote:

Van Buren, Martin (1782-1862) US politician, 8th president of the United States


Van Buren was so obnoxious to the southern states that he received only nine popular votes there in his 1848 campaign, all from Virginia. his supporters raised a cry of fraud. " Yes, fraud, " said a Virginian, " and we are still looking for the son of a bit*h who voted nine times. "