Magazine

One day mom was cleaning junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. She finally asked him, "Well, what should we do about this?" 
Dad looked at her and said, "Well, I don't think you should spank him."
****************************
Final Words

An Episcopal Priest, a Catholic Priest, and a Rabbi die in a car crash. They go to heaven for orientation. They are all asked,
"When you are in your casket, and friends, family, and congregates are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say?"
The Episcopal Priest says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family
man.
"The Catholic Priest says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful teacher and a servant of God who made a huge difference in
people's lives.
"The Rabbi replies, "I would like to hear them say, 'Look, he's moving!"
******************************
Beware of voices

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying his
situation, he says quietly to himself, "I'm screwed." There is a ray of light from the sky and a voice booms out: "No you are NOT
screwed. Pick up that stone in front of you and bash the head of the chief." So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to
bash in the head of the chief. He is breathing heavily while standing above the lifeless body. Surrounding him are the 100 native
warriors with a look of shock on their faces.
The voice booms out again: "Okay.......NOW you're screwed!"
******************************
Help

A priest was walking down his street one day when he noticed a very small boy trying to press the doorbell on a house. The boy
was very short and the doorbell was too high for him to reach.
After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moved closer to the boy. He crossed the street, walked up behind the little
fellow, placed his hand kind-heartedly on the child's shoulder leaned over and gave the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiled benevolently and asked, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy
replied, "Now we run!"
******************************
KEEP SMILING!
-Doug-