For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

Irish



Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin.

They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.

“Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints.

And then there was something called “Happy Hour” and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good.

I had four or five o’ those.

Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and o’ course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn’t be rude, ye know.

Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later ..”

And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, “Sir, I’m afraid I’ll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.”

Indignantly, the man said, “Why? Don’t ye believe me?”
***********************************

Five Iron



A man staggers into a hospital with concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

“Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture."

“We went to look for them, and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over, lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt."

“That’s when I made my big mistake. I lifted the cow’s tail and yelled to my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!’

“I don't remember much after that."
***********************************

Stupid Joke:

Q: What did the mummy buffalo say to herchild as he left for school?

A: Bison
*********************************
Keep Smiling !
-Doug-
*********************************
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
- Jack Handy Deep Thoughts